Connie was fed up together with her live-in boyfriend Paul attempting to take over her life.
She felt intimidated by his mind and bullied by his “logical” opinions for why one thing ought to or shouldn’t be carried out.
She appeared to freeze in what grew to become arguments, not in a position to get phrases out that made sense to refute his factors…
And she or he’d find yourself doing precisely what he wished.
Bored with the resentment and anger that Connie tried to maintain hidden…
She reached out to us for a dialog to get some readability about her relationship.
Listed here are a number of “gentle bulb” insights she had throughout our dialog that may allow you to as properly for those who suppose your companion is a bully…
1. Decelerate and develop into conscious of the “tales” which might be continuously working
When Connie slowed down her considering to see what ideas she’d been working…
She found that the primary thought was that she couldn’t “win” an argument as a result of Paul was a lot smarter so why attempt.
She additionally noticed that she’d been labeling him as a “bully” for fairly awhile.
While you see what ideas are working your present, stimulating your reactions…
You possibly can resolve whether or not they’re ones you need to deal with or not.
So usually we’re on auto-pilot and hold doing the identical issues again and again, having the identical outcomes.
While you take a look at the ideas which might be creating these outcomes, you may select one thing completely different.
2. Take a look at the way you could be contributing to the scenario
As Connie was in a position to step again and take a “impartial” take a look at their interactions…
She noticed that she hadn’t actually been keen to hearken to Paul or take into account his viewpoint–in any respect.
It was a shock to her to see that she’d been simply as cussed, holding on to being proper, as she believed him to be!
She even had the thought that her withdrawal could possibly be perceived as stone-walling.
To her horror, she noticed that this was what she witnessed her mom doing when there have been disagreements together with her father.
With out blaming herself, she realized that her refusal to interact could possibly be perceived as bullying, regardless that that actually wasn’t her intention.
As this understanding got here to her, she noticed Paul in a unique gentle.
While you take a look at your scenario and interactions with impartial eyes…
You may see one thing new as properly that helps you achieve an understanding that you simply hadn’t had earlier than.
3. Open to new potentialities
Geared up with a brand new understanding about what had been taking place between her and Paul…
And that she didn’t need to hold repeating her mom’s errors…
The following time Paul had a unique thought about what ought to be carried out than she had, she listened as an alternative of arguing and shutting down.
At first, he was bowled over on the change in her, particularly when she requested extra questions on his opinion as an alternative of arguing and shutting him out.
As they talked, he was extra open to listening to her concepts.
When she opened to new potentialities, beginning together with her ideas…
She started to see their relationship in a brand new gentle.
What about your relationship?
May your labeling the opposite particular person as a bully be protecting undesirable habits in place?
May your habits be labeled as bullying and also you not comprehend it?
These questions are actually not meant to excuse habits that’s detrimental and even harmful to you and your relationship…
Or meant to indicate that you must hold placing up with that habits.
It’s solely meant to develop your considering and that can assist you select one other path.
